♥Why you such a little homo?♥

One Tired Little Ciggy

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Il Mustachio
		10:04pm 25/01/2006
	I have been growing a handlebar mustache for 9 weeks now. Here is me at 6 weeks. It is just beginning to grow haggard. I hope to document my goings-on in a piece called "The Mustache Diares" or "Il Mustachio rides again". This entire experience can be attribute to Matyas Kovach, a true inspiration to us all. Here is me, Cigs, last week, with my mustache half-combed. My mustache wax arrived about one week previous and I have been experimenting with it every once in a while. The only problem with creating a Mustache Diaries is tha nobody cares except me. My girlfriend pretends to care around other people and actually convinces herself that she is upset about though she doesnt notice while making out. But to her defense, here is my unwaxed mustache, which hangs well below my lower lip. In 2 months handlebar, and Pittsburgh will burn down, 6 weeks after it does if Pgh win the superbowl.
		(2 Free Smokess Can I Bum a Ciggy?)


		04:17pm 18/04/2005
	i know it has been a long time since my last post, but i have been busy and away from home for a while. tomorrow i will visit my honeybees again and then hopefully post some pictures of my little workers.
		(1 Free Smokes Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

long time no biggy
		05:49pm 28/02/2005
	I have been neglecting this journal, mostly because lots of fun things have been going down that sound really boring when I write them out. I am pissed that I missed so many sweet bands in the last few weeks, Modey lemon, Midnite Snake,Dirty Faces, Microwaves, Pay Toilets, but we have Aesop Rock coming April 2 and Bonny Billy April 14 with his fake new band Superwolf, which is him and his guitar player of many years with other people who have played for years with him too. Today was my day off this week, I cleaned, organized, read, played music, and am now onto the important business of Pabst. And I bought a ciggy case online. And it's snowing, so my fake booze-counselor called off our appt for this evening, good thing I gave up my shift at the pub tonight. This weekend was a blast. Antonio, my bud from school came from OH to visit. I felt bad because there was nothing particularly fun for us to do, but it turned out well. Went to Gooski's on Polish Hill on Fri, drank pitchers of Boddington's and then Jonny and Faull showed up, my boys from home. It then got ridiculous. Within a minute there were jokes about my mom's vagina. When it got late, Tony dropped me and the lady off, then kept drinking at Dees and the Eagle with they boys, which is rare coz he doesn't like getting wasted very often. On Sat. me an Tony went to the Strip and got all kinds of sweet pastas and olives, squid and clams and made food at Courtney's. This is now Mon and my hands still stink of squid, as they were whole and needed to be cleaned. It was admittedly kind of gross but everything tasted very good. I made a shit-load of money Sat night at the pub, came back to see Tony at Courtney's and a couple beers. And that was pretty much my weekend. As I said, fun, but not in print form. But yesterday my mom made a Boston Creme Pie from scratch and a full turkey dinner. If that dinner was a black girl it would be named Bomquisha. haven't had pipes in almost 2 weeks. I am pissed.
		(Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

Argus the Brave (Tony's dog in OH)
		08:32am 04/02/2005
	Guardian of the Freemont. he with wobbly legs and slobber, followed by his court of Welsh Corgies. oh yes, he stinks and is gritty to the touch. but if ever you need a footrest, seek out Argus. in daylight he casts shadows and sleeps on a queen-size mattress. that's my coffee cup and shadow on the right
		(1 Free Smokes Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

Boob-Shot in UK
		01:08am 04/02/2005
	one time I stayed in London for about 20 days. that was last January on a trip to see theatre. one night Ciggy walks into a bar, the Anchor & Key to be exact, about 100 metres from my Euston Hotel. Ciggy surveys the scene, noticing about a dozen wasted kids from my school singing Brown Eyed Girl and generally being irritating. Ciggy has a couple of relaxing drinks until one female, Tara, discovers that Fun Mike has never had a Boob-Shot. Well, this was more than Tara could bear, so she ordered a double of something. shoved it in here huge titties and said "Drink Up Homo." but the poor kid had a small head which made it difficult to deep throat a shot, and Tara's boobs were floppier than expected, so Fun Mike had to really fish out that shot. unfortunatly Bob Log III was 3000 miles away in Japan or Arizona. and it wasn't scotch
		(Can I Bum a Ciggy?)


		12:55am 04/02/2005
	this is only a test. a test of me kicking ass. w/ Mike P
		(1 Free Smokes Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

Honey-Whole-Wheat Bagel with Salmon Shmear and Sprouts
		06:49am 25/01/2005
	Everyone who reads this was likely at the Moose on Sat. Surprisingly nothing bad happened. Shananigans got a haircut and didnt try to kill me. Didnt see Todd Cheats' weiner. Then on Sun went out for a beer with Devin from work, who's ridiculous. He said he had tried to reach me on Sat night to booze it up at Dee's. When he mentioned to the barmaid that it seemed unusually quiet, "Well, all the rough types are down at the Moose." Probably not talking about me, but maybe about that ex-con attempted killer and the Dream-Boner car clubbers. Little homos. So last night my life-mentor Clint calls me up, looking for a ride home from the airport this morning at 9:15. He's stuck in LA because of the atmospheric bullshit and uber-pissed. Almost immediately he remembered Ciggy bums rides, doesnt give them. So Im giving all of you a 2 hour notice, and hope that somebody will pick up that boy. He looks like the Strokes singer but more handsome and wasted-looking. And if you were every to see him run, he closely mimics the running-style of Joe Dirt. I miss that kid.
		(7 Free Smokess Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

I dont smoke blunts I am a white dude
		07:05pm 20/01/2005
	wow. lots of new things with Ciggy. but I have to hurry because I want to smoke a joint before my Mama, Sis, and fake Bro go out to the Franklin Inn, the finest mexican cuisine and margaritas north of Pittsburgh. and that's only 20 minutes from going down. last Fri went out with Ray the Paperboy on his route, I had booze and pills and was mumbling. it was cold and I helped 200 households keep in touch with the outside world, mostly full of dead babies and football. Sat went out with Shitbag Steve and our buddy Jazz. love that guy. got free pipes from an ugly girl at Dee's. more to follow on this entire evening, maybe later tonight. been hitting up coked-up Camel guy alot at Dee's in the last week or so. last night went out with fun kids from work at a silly open mic night with fake hippies. good time, good beer, ok pipes, and a great Dane at the bar named Reuben "did you say Ruby?" "no, like the sandwich" me and Courtney were pretending to not be all over each other in front of coworkers, who we have so far eluded, but that booby trap pretty much sprung and disabled a white man in the forrest. newest Deadly Snakes and Reigning Sound/Timebomb HS are so fucking cool on LP. have listened to little else in over a week. guess who's got an arraignment at the courthouse tomorrow morning?
		(Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

strong coffee and weak pipes
		02:58pm 10/01/2005
	was planning on staying home and getting organizational but last night my buddy Jonny B stopped by after pretending to work. jonny catches shoplifters at grocery stores. except he doesn't do anything, and yesterday he left 4 hours early. Jonny has always been super-pissed but he is by far pissed more than anybody. we went to the Lakeside Pub the best joint ever. there was a limited buffet set up on the pool table and Jonny ate three kielbasas on buns. unfortunately i had a full belly. i once ate a bbq sandwich there and it was top notch. darts and van Halen were played and I always beat Babynuts so he got even more pissed. but he did fill out a citation that said I shoplifted in the Lakeside for me to put on my fridge. merry christmas If you live within 5 miles of Reis Run Road then you now have a new paperboy. Jonny said he had driven around with our friend Freddo on his new paper route at 2:30 in the morning to deliver to all the shitbags, which includes my house. have you ever wondered if your paperboy was a stoned and angry man with a mustache, a wife, a child and a samurai sword? then your suspicions have been confirmed. Freddo is maybe the one person more pissed than Jonny. I used to work at a pizza shop with Ray and his little brother Maximum Freddo. that was a fun and debaucherous summer. summer of slamwichs. Ray's parents have a dog that is 1/4 husky and 3/4 wolf. they got it from a farmer whose dogs were getting knocked up by wolves. this dog is bigger than any mastiff I have seen and fucking mean. 2 years ago i spent new year's at their house, his mother is a crystal-loving phone psychic and her weird crystal-loving phone psychic friends were present, and Bear was fucking muddy from being outside all night to avoid killing people, but Bear decided to come in, lay on top of my lap, and growl until i had to pet him. i was filthy and pissed. and all three groups of people there, our friends, the weirdos, and Max's friends, were smoking in different parts of the house, all pretending that the others didnt know. so though i was to get boozed up, Jonny gave me Freddo's number so i could call him later and smoke with him on his paper route. but apparently Sundays his wife delivers. so instead i stayed up all night drinking IC aluminum bottles, pipes, and getting organiz-ized. some time this week i would like to stay up to see Freddo my new giant cd wallet has allowed me to spend way too much time sorting my cds. because they are all burned i have arranged them by their origin, either from the person who gave it to me, or where thematically it fits in with the rest of someone's tastes.
		(2 Free Smokess Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

one more reason not to be totally gay
		01:30pm 07/01/2005
	so yesterday at work these two blackdude prep cooks were smoking ciggies with ciggy and started talking about how they're both ok with gaydudes. then the ex-con guys admits that his brother is gay and that it all came open while he was locked up. "but hey man, dont get me wrong i love my brother, i'm just worried about him that's all" at which point i assume he's going to bring up STDs, the hiv, or GHB, but no "yeah, he's 30 yrs old and he already got his balls all twisted up once already" so what are you talking about "i mean twisted around several times, those strings that connect your balls to your shit, spun around like the handles of plastic bag full of groceries, only they didnt unwind" he assumed it was from getting ass-slammed we three decided that somebody had jiggled around his balls too much, (but dont most straight dudes get their balls jiggled just as much?)and the fat guy started to play with imaginary Chinese concentration balls (those shits that jingle) to demonstrate. it was so effing ridiculous i had to leave the room to catch my breath. i have never heard anything like that. if anybody knows a doctor or a respiratory therapist, please inquire about twisted sacs.
		(3 Free Smokess Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

I Dont Even Like Bees
		04:33pm 05/01/2005
	yeehaw, ciggy hates computers. as if you fags dont know too much about me already. i was sick and miserable yesterday and made no money at work, but ate a bowl of sweet-ass stew which helped a little bit. guess what i did this morning. I officially became a criminal in the eyes of Allegheny County though they are about 8 years behind the rest of the observant world. but i was the handsomest dude in the whole courthouse, just ask Steve0. now I get to pretend to be in fake rehab and bum even more rides off people. thanks Steve. Went to lunch at Sanremo's with that kid, had a great slammich and 4 pints of Murphy's. pretty uneventful, really, but then came home and ordered 3 lbs of Russian honeybees to be delivered in mid-April. then my dreams come true and i can take naked honey-soaks around the clock. as i write my balls are shoved inside a plastic bear container in order to keep razor-burn at bay. now i finish dinner, eat, and hope to get bags of things and chicks tonite. some of the gang met my friend Courtney on Monday and everyone involved had to admit she's the coolest. ole.I
		(4 Free Smokess Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

08:51pm 25/12/2004

mood:

bouncy

....and then on the seventh day while relaxing and watchin' football god said "LET THERE BE CIGGY!!!!!"

(1 Free Smokes Can I Bum a Ciggy?)

	rjcigarette
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